Is There Any Real in the Reality!
Women know it - men are shocked by it.
Well, here it is… the real shared reality of women in the workplace.(see poll results) As I’ve written before, it’s not because women don’t want to help other women. I firmly believe “as women” WE DO SUPPORT other women as much AND as authentically as we can —when we have the energy. However, I contend that when it comes to the workplace reality, it gets complicated, and in the stretch to fight for other women, we lose our flex. Men never lose their flex — ever wonder why?
If you know me, you know that I’m in search of the Keys to the Men’s Room or the femme-flex. Women are strong, determined, motivated and resilient at a level men can only aspire to be, yet somehow in the workplace we shrink and lose that femme-flex. Not that we intend to, but I believe the male-centered, male-patterned environments create a cryptonite of sorts that keeps women out of our flex, out of our strength. It’s taken me 50+ years, but I am bound and determined to figure this out and place a wide call to action for all ladies to find our femme-flex and change this work dynamic once and for all.
Let’s face it, a world made for men by men doesn’t even resonate with men. They don’t feel ‘this world’ the way women do because it’s made for them, by them. They don’t even realize what a stretch it is or how much mental energy it takes us to survive, let alone thrive in their world. I was speaking with a male friend the other day, and when I described to him what it feels like to be female in the C-suite, he looked at me like I had 2, maybe 3 heads! He seriously didn’t notice the things I called out, nor did it even occur to him before that conversation. I challenged him with a thought: what if you were the only man in a female beauty pageant? Imagine that, see it in your mind… Beautiful, talented, ambitious and motivated women at the top of their game competing in an event designed to highlight everything it takes to be all of those things, including— female. Positioned against another 50 of the same, they will use all that they have in their toolkits, from brains to beautiful singing voices, to height, athleticism, to being female, to outwit, outplay and outlast the others. It’s natural and that’s the game and it’s competitive. A man in that event will feel at the very least different, un-equipped and lacking in what it takes to maneuver and at most he will know he can’t match the same energy or positioning of the women. It would take him a lot of mental energy to attempt to level the playing field and how would it feel to do that every day for 30 years?!
I’m not saying that the boardroom is like a beauty pageant…Ha! Ok, maybe I am saying that, but what I mean is that it represents that feeling. It’s an energy thing. Men bring their masculine energy to the workplace because that’s what they have. Period. Not their fault. Women in the workplace, whether at the first rung of the ladder (btw I used to paint lines in mall parking lots with a team of men) or the tip-top rung as Chairman of the Board - it doesn’t matter. They bring their feminine energy to the workplace, and when they’re forced to conform to male-centric patterns to succeed, it takes a lot of energy. Period. We’ve been doing it all our lives and I’m not sure we even realized that it takes so much of our energy. We knew it was hard to be female at work, but we couldn’t identify why it was so difficult to operate in the workplace. Try operating in that beauty pageant every day for 30 years!
Now, I see it so clearly. As a woman in technology and management for 30+ years, it’s so obvious to me, and so for my friends, relatives and colleagues in other professions, I hear it feels the same. I would love to hear from my readers, if all professions feel the male-centric workplace in the same ways. (let me know).
Ok, back to the real in the reality of why women can’t seem to help other women as much as we’d like in the workplace… Do you see it now? Maybe I have a hunch. Between the energy suck that it takes women to position ourselves in the workplace from the start of our career to the place we sit today, and the energy it takes for us to even dare to reach over, across or down to lift another woman up, we expose ourselves and our fuel leaks like a sive and that places a risk on the very thing that keeps us afloat — energy. That energy is our flex and that’s how we get depleted and lose it over time. Here’s how we can change this and take back our flex.
Stop the leak. Ok, not so fast, if it was that simple women of the past would have changed this dynamic three times over already. So let’s appreciate that it won’t be easy; it will take all of us to figure this out. The best next step for women is to first realize that we’re not supposed to be men, nor do we have to be masculine and we can bring all that is feminine to the workplace. Unapologetically and unabashed women can evolve the male-centric work environments to be unisex, to thrive in both masculine and feminine energies. To reward and embrace what and how feminine energy works. Let’s stop wasting our valuable time trying to be what we are not, let’s instead channel that beautiful femme-flex energy into building up people, creating powerful teams and companies, while we stop worrying about how to fit in with the bro-club.
If we stop the leak, bring our best and strongest selves to work and stop apologizing for not being ‘man enough’ to sit at the table with men, then we can put some real feminine energy back into our reality. Find our strength, no more cryptonite — only flex!
